Sunday, October 26, 2014

Service of Remembrance

Today was the annual Service of Remembrance at the hospital where Chiara was born. The nurses and staff put together a lovely service for families who lost babies. There are readings of poems, musical interludes, the reading of all the names, and a time for parents to speak. This was the third year we attended. We brought our boys and sat with another family we met last year. The mom and I made a special connection and we've kept in touch. Her friendship has become very important to me. Being there together made the event far less sad than it has been in the past.

Today I had planned to read a poem during the parents segment of the program, but I chickened out. I read the poem in the car on the way there and I just cried. I didn't have the courage to get up today. Here's the poem I was planning to read:

The Sitting Time
by Joe Digman

Don’t listen to the foolish unbelievers
who say forget.
Take up your armful of roses and
remember them
the flower and the fragrance.
When you go home to do your sitting
in the corner by the clock
and sip your rosethorn tea
It will warm your face and fingers
and burn the bottom of your belly.
But as her gone-ness piles in white,
crystal drifts,
It will be the blossom of her moment
the warmth on your belly,
the tiny fingers unfolding,
the new face you’ve always known,
That has changed you.
Take her moment, and hold it
As every mother does.
She will always beyour daughter
And when the sitting is done you’ll find
bitter grief could never 
poison the sweetness of her time.


Oh, my sweet love, my only daughter, I cherish your short time with me. I miss you so.


  1. That is beautiful, Aurelia. Thank you for sharing it. Love to Chiara and her family.

  2. what a beautiful poem and a beautiful post. i wouldn't have been able to get up in front of all of those people either, but for me, the time you spent choosing and *feeling* that poem is already an incredibly profound way of remembering and loving your daughter.

    i found you through March is for Daffodils, where you posted one of my favorite poems by Audre Lorde. poetry has always been a kind of balm for me....even more so since i lost my son, and i'm happy to have found another babyloss mama who understands.

    sending warmth to you and your family, and remembering Chiara with you.
    <3 from another mama of a star

  3. Wow, did you write this beautiful poem? I am in awe! You are very talented!

  4. Silly me. I just saw you listed the author. Chuckle!

  5. Dear Followingmysun, I think our paths have crossed on Glow. I'm so glad that you found my blog and that you like the poem I posted by Joe Digman. I love poetry, always have. It has the capacity to take you into a feeling like no other kind of writing. While so many of the feelings of losing our babies are hard ones, the love is still there, and poetry can explore and express this complexity better than prose, I think. I loved that Audre Lord poem. It says it all about parenting.

    I'd love to exchange poems with you. I'm happy to share my favorites if you would be into that.

    Hope that you are faring well. This can be a difficult time of year. I am at a Starbucks getting some work done before a meeting and just found myself weeping quietly into my tea after reading a babyloss blog. I should know better. XO to you.

  6. Mrs. H., I wish I had written this, it's so beautiful. I do write a little poetry, but this one I heard at service for babies this year and I just thought it was perfect. Hope you are doing well. I'm glad you stopped by my blog. I've enjoyed keeping up with yours. XO

  7. Marchisfordaffodils, How are you my friend? I'm thinking of you. Perhaps you might like to join me and Followingmysun in sharing poems that we have found meaningful? Let me know. XO