This is a photo from Mother's Day 2012. Chiara was our secret at this point, ~2 months gestation. I felt so damn happy, so excited, so special. There is so much pride and joy that comes along with pregnancy. In the first days after Chiara died, I felt so foolish to remember that prideful feeling. It felt like hubris after the fact, whereas in the moment, it felt like it came from love.
Day 3: Self portrait after loss
This is a picture from October 2nd, taken at Good Harbor Beach in Gloucester, MA. We used to live down the street from here. We moved last year. I've walked this beach in joy and sorrow, rain and snow and sun. It's a special place for us. On this day, we'd just come from our final meeting with the specialist to go over Chiara's autopsy results. We were on our way to visit the Inn where we will hold her memorial service on December 16th, her due date. A grey and dreary day, filled with difficult tasks, but all went as well it could go.